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RAPATAPPA

Jan. 5th, 2011

01:53 am - where to start

trying to figure out where to start improving my situlations ... i dont want to aim for the easiest ... trying for the higher ground and going big ... but when that is another question ... things are moving too slowly for my normal taste but this time i gotta do it right so i gotta have a plan even if it is only half asseed that is normally enough for me ... after all the plan cant be made of rock it has to flex and go with the wing ... but these things i already know ... just trying to clear my head so i can hopefully get more the 3 hours of sleep tonight ... i swear sense i quit drugs i sleep even less then when i was on them ... it sucks ... okay yep later

Current Mood: discontentdiscontent

Dec. 30th, 2010

12:28 am

well im still here kind of ... i have now ... well as of last month at least lived longer then i ever thought i would have ... and now next yeat i hit that turning point of dont trust anyone over 30 ... but 30 means nothing to me 27 did now all these other years are sort of like a bonus ... or overtime hahaha ... but anyway now im single again ... oh joy ... kind of figured that it wasnt gonna work but still ... and today i found out her reasons and i cant really deny them she's right i am not modavated at the moment and i am a slacker ... and fuck no i didnt quit smokeing ciggarettes and i wasnt going to sense i was sort of the other guy ... if it was just me things might have been different but life moves on and theres no point sitting still wondering where things went wrong and letting everything pass you by ... i'm looking to the next stage and if no one wants to follow me there then fuck off 'cause i an't following anyone down again ... im looking for higher ground ... okay im done with this rant .... later

May. 19th, 2010

10:54 pm - so i said a few months ago that is was going to be using this again

but i lied
lets see how this went ... myspace killed lj and then facebook killed myspace ... and facebook i still use but i'm wondering what now is going to come .. oh well i guess that is how it goes

Sep. 27th, 2009

03:37 am - hey this can turn handy for me once again

even though i'm on myspace (which i pretty much only use to talk to people now) and facebook (don't ask why) on both of those i still feel the need to hide certain things, like i really can't bitch about work on myspace because my fucking boss is on my friends list and work is becoming a bigger and bigger issue pissing me off because well the owe me over $17,000 right now and a lawerthat i talked to told me i should just stay there and let them bulid a bigger case against themselfs ....so thats what i'm doing now ...... most of my friends i no longer talk to except on the fucking internet or a fucking phone which is somewhat annoying but i deal with it and alot of times enjoy it because it keeps the bs level down somewhat .... and in a couple weeks it will be 2 years sense i quit doing hard illegal drugs which i guess is something i'm soppose to be proud of but in reality i'm not because of how far i let myself slipp into that shit .... see at frist it was all fun and a learning experence but then over time i stoped haveing as much fun and wasn't learning much more and more so until i was having no fun and i stopped learning, in the end all that was left was pain ...... oh well life goes on and things tend to cycle around and come back at you, sometimes kicking you in the ass or at least in a way you don't expect ..... ok enough of this for now

--- later

Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: mindless self indulence

Sep. 23rd, 2009

10:46 pm - um ........

shit, it's been awhile sense i've been on this site .... looks like a shit load of things have changed on here ....actully i've been on this site for the past 2 weeks reading some of the shit i use to post .... eh some of them are funny and other ones make me think i did tooooo many drugs but now even sober i still feel some of the things the same which i'm not sure what the hell that means .... but if anyone still reads this cool beans maybe i'll post on here more

Current Mood: curiouscurious

Oct. 31st, 2006

04:01 am

yeah im alive
living in cali again
...more details on my myspace blog.... if your not against that evil fucking god damn site ...... not that much has changed ....little surpise .... happy brith day cloud and jenn (not baga but the other jenn)

Tags:
Current Location: bagas house
Current Mood: pessimisticstrange
Current Music: a 80s movie

Apr. 2nd, 2006

11:06 am - what the fuck is up man

yeah so im back out in cali
only for a week or 2
i just got in yesterday and i lost most of the phone numbers i had
if any of u fuckers wanna hang out hit me up
my cell is still the same number
um besides that 'till i get my car back i might be needing rides to kick it
hahahaha was home less then a day and i already pissed my mom off hehehehe good times ...late

Feb. 12th, 2006

04:23 pm - yeep yep

getting restless
and very bored
waiting on the shannon, suzy, and tara
to finally get back from vegas
and take me to my new home in washington
where ill be living with shannon and tara
so laters cali

Feb. 5th, 2006

05:19 pm - thanks to all those who helped and continue help my semiselfdestrution and other random freak outs

of mine
(u know who u r)

"if i would would you"
yeah i think this last week i had one of my biggest freak outs in awhile
things werent going as planned
started stressing the fuck out
and just to add some mre fun i was having my nightmares again i full force
joy
but some friends helped me out when (dont get pissed) i truthfully didnt think anyone with the power to help me would i mean fuck man man appathtic ass almost broke down in tears and shit when they promised to help
nate thanks you as well but thats a different story not for all yet
now i've made my up my mind
moving in with an out patent program of this asylm (if anyone besides nate understands that joke i'd be amazed)

"don't be afraid to care
leave but don't leave me
look around and choose your own ground
for long you live and high you fly
and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
and all you touch and all you see
is all your life will ever be" -pink floyd - breathe

yeah i'm going be moving ... untill everyone is ready i have to be somewhat vage about the details but thats cool i understand the reasons and all will know soon enough
but anyway im off work next thursday and friday and saturday and sunday but sunday i have alot of shit to do but i want to try hanging out with as many as possible or something those who cant cool okay whatever im just asking people i know try
on to other things now i hate altimiers
it sucks when the woman that i consider more my mom then my mother at times forgets who the fuck i am and now im feeling all fucking gulity and shit because of how much it has devlopled i shorten my visits as short as possible and i deny to look around at all the nick nacks her and my grandfater collected because all the memorys of my and knowing in the back of my head that everytime i visit my grandpas grave site i ask him just to go head a take her
its fucked up but true i would wish death to someone before altimers
yeah i know im a fucked up person but im trying

Jan. 25th, 2006

04:31 am - what the fucks all this maddness ...

i dont really even get a chance to go online for more then a couple of hours in the last month or 2 then today i get a chance to fuck around some at work today and basically not work hehehehehe and i find lj fucking chanced this fucking much ..... oh well
life has been getting strange (well stranger then normal for my life)
now im looking fro a place too live 'cause my parents are selling there house (still) and moving somewhere i deny to go
might go to washington ... might try to stuck it out out here but i really hate this town area etc. hehehe
and to top it off i dont mean to but i know i trying to push alot of people away
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'til later

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